So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
