The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
please come you make the beer taste better
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
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So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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