To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
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I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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