omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
