he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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