I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
