Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
