my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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