i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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