I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
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He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
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Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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