i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
