I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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