Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize