Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
