Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
