FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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