I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
