Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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