i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
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if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
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I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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