When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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