The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
