If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
