There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
When are your genitals available?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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