How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
