just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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