The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
