I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
