I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He told me they were just razor bumps!
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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