i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
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I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
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You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize