it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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