You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We talked him into tasing himself.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize