i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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