You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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