I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
