i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.