If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
We were destined to go to rehab together
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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