I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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