Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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