Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
