I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Randomize
