Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
