i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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