TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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