He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
