When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
