I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
