so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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