Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
