i woke up with socks on this morning
i didnt wear socks last night
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
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I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
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First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.