You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO