Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
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Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
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Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."