Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR