First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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