Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
